If I had a dollar for every time one of my teens asked, "Mom, do I get paid for that?" I could retire today and hire someone to clean my entire house.
The question is always delivered with the same wide-eyed optimism, usually while holding one end of a dish towel or standing awkwardly near a hamper they haven't touched in a week.
And my answer remains the same: Nope. Absolutely not. Not for everyday chores.
It’s a frustrating conversation for them, but it’s a crucial lesson for us parents to enforce. There’s a massive difference between Household Citizenship and Contracted Labor, and we, the midlife masters of chaos, need to enforce the difference.
Here is the no-nonsense way I break down the family economy for my teens, because sometimes you have to put your foot down—and then take your Stress Tincture.
🚫 The Non-Negotiables: The Basic Human Chores
These are the tasks that will never come with a paycheck. They are the essential requirements for being a functioning human who respects themselves and the space they share with four other people.
🛌 Category 1: Personal Maintenance
The Chore: Making your bed, picking up your room, folding your own laundry, and maintaining your school gear.
The "Mom" Rationale: You don't get paid to shower or brush your teeth, right? You maintain your personal belongings and space because it is a fundamental act of Self-Respect. No one else's job is to manage your mess.
🍽️ Category 2: Shared Space Contribution
The Chore: Clearing your own dishes, loading the dishwasher (or at least putting the dishes in the sink), wiping down the table after you eat, and taking out the garbage/recycling bins.
The Real-World Lesson: We all live here, and we all use the communal mugs. Being a member of a functional unit means participating in its upkeep. This isn't optional; it’s a shared responsibility and being a decent housemate.
🗓️ Category 3: Personal Admin
The Chore: Tracking their own homework/assignments, remembering to pack their sports gear or uniform, and sending the requested email to a teacher.
The Lesson: They need to own their schedule and belongings. As a 50+ mom, I am already managing enough external chaos without being their personal, unpaid assistant. This is how they build Self-Sufficiency before they hit college.
💰 The Paid Zone: Contracted Labor & The Side Hustle List
This is the only place where money changes hands. Paid chores must meet one simple criterion: The job creates significant value for the family or is a task I would otherwise pay a professional to do.
When they earn money here, they are learning their first true lessons about value creation and economics.
The Criteria for Paid Work:
It’s Above and Beyond: It falls outside the scope of daily/weekly family maintenance.
It Creates Value: It saves me time, physical effort, or money that would otherwise be spent leaving the house.
Top Examples of Paid Contracted Labor:
Mowing the Lawn / Major Yard Work: This saves us the cost of hiring a gardener. They are replacing a paid service with their labor and earning an hourly rate for it.
Washing and Detailing My Car: If they clean the interior, wash the exterior, and vacuum the seats, they are providing a professional-level service (or close enough!).
Deep Cleaning the Garage/Storage Room: This is a major, non-routine project that requires sustained effort, focus, and significant physical output. It’s a job I dread and would pay someone to do.
Organizing the Pantry/Linen Closet: This is a project management task. It requires dedicated time and organizational skills, which earn a higher wage.
By separating the "unpaid responsibility" from the "paid labor," we stop transactionalizing their childhood and start teaching them how to be competent, responsible adults.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go find my Stress & Anxiety Tincture because the garage is still a mess and I'm debating whether or not I have the energy to negotiate the hourly rate.
P.S. If the daily chaos of chore negotiations is impacting your midlife sanity (like it is mine!), you are not alone! I share the tools I use to reset my nervous system (like my favorite Stress Slayer Tincture) on my order page. You can find the link in my profile bio!
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